I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize