forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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