The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
