yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
