yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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