Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
