I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
