There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
