just come out here and I will go home with you...
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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