I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
