I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
