Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
