Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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