Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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