You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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