i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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