I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
