weddingsv make me drug and hornr
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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