You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
