i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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