Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
