I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
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