Just fell off a train. Bad.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
