I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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