I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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