new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
