at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
