Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
