so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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