I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
