my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
