if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
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