So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
