I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
