My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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