You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
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I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
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So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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