So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
