I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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