Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
