She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
