Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
