No stitches, just platelets and will power
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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