when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
