I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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