Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You've changed since you got that strap on
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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