shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
