So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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