Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
