Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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