end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
