i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
