I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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