you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
