So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
