Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
