At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
