i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
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My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
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A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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