I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
