is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
