I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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